What’s The Word I Want?
As I’ve said, I met with Dick Hill to talk about being the hearing half of a partnership. It wasn’t a moanfest in any shape, Dick’s gathering of experiences will enable him to further assist new partners who find themselves, often unexpectedly, taking up that role. And he could do with another couple of volunteers, please.
During our meeting I kept failing to find the exact word to sum up my feelings about Sue’s situation. Having read the transcript I know I used plenty of words – perhaps too many due to being able to freely discuss things – but the one I sought escaped me until last week when I heard Toyah Wilcox on Radio 4.
She was speaking about the difficulties of getting around in crowds whilst using crutches due to problems with her leg joints and described how she felt vulnerable.
That’s it. That’s the one. That perfectly sums up my concerns about Sue if I’m not with her. I realise that I worry too much about something happening to Sue because she couldn’t hear and I wasn’t there to help her.
Not just the stuff your mother went on about – ending up in a ditch (what is it with ditches?), falling under a bus, being hit by a car while crossing a road, being trapped in a lift. Or worse, being trapped in a lift when the cable breaks.
No, I mean the more mundane things that hurt just as much as a runaway Number 27a, simple things like Sue being the object of laughter because she didn’t know someone was talking to her out of eyesight. “Bloody hell, that’s hardly a seriously distressing situation!” you’d be justified in saying, but it is those simple things like that can destroy confidence and ability to be out-and-about in public.
If I’m with Sue I can watch what’s going on around her and let her know someone was speaking. Or I have the option to growl at any git who smiles at Sue for the wrong reason.
I’ve never (to the best of my knowledge, your Honour) been a father, but I can imagine how difficult it must be when a child metamorphoses into a person old enough venture beyond their parent’s vision. Fear, anxiety, a whole conflict of emotions (including selfishness at ‘losing’ the child?) are released through that simple act of progress.
Parents can’t, wouldn’t want, to stop their children advancing just as youngsters need to become independent. In a similar manner, hearing partners must try not to be overbearing.
Fortunately parent’s have the teen years to help them through those tough choices – a “go to your room and don’t come out until you realise you were wrong”, sort of thing. We, the hearing partners, must try to be aware of our partner’s needs for assistance whilst encouraging them as much as we can to be
independent.
I’m aware of Sue’s vulnerability in situations where she is on her own, but I mustn’t cocoon her. She needs to become an individual again rather than one half of a pair, but in her own time. I don’t know about other partners, but I feel my responsibility is to encourage but not push. But I can’t help but feel concerned about the future.
All the best Toyah, hope things get easier very soon.