Rows and arguments

Hearing loss & heated discussions

First off, I now know I can reply to comments posted here. I’ll be replying when I know whether I should do that as a blog or directly to the boxes (below left). If anyone wants to comment I’m always pleased to hear from you and shared tips (ideas, not gratuities) are always welcome as they’d save us having to find out we had a problem the hard way, such as how difficult it is to argue with a deaf partner.

Sue and I are fortunate in that we don’t have blazing rows that some couples seem to enjoy. Really, it’s not that we’re a perfect match, we just get on very well. Of course we have disagreements and every 18 months or so we may have a very heated discussion. But since Sue lost her hearing arguing takes, even if we wanted to, just too much trouble – anyway, it would have been her fault in the first place!

So you must have a really good reason for a full blown row with a deaf person. For a start, shouting and ranting is pointless as the distortion those actions cause to the lips and face would make lipreading almost, if not completely, impossible, and repetition will make the hearing partner either angrier or forget what the problem was in the first place.

Skilled BSLers will have the advantage there as they can sign faster than most of us can lip speak and/or finger spell, maybe they have more rows? Now, arguing in a car is just an utter waste of effort, don’t bother. Trying to steer and change gear, while turning to face the passenger and at the same time attempting finger spelling using the back of the hand pressed on the steering wheel is just too complicated to bother with. Not safe either.

Believe me, a well thought out and presented view on what was said is deflated when the reply isn’t “you’re right” but “what?” And the effort of going through it all again is just not worth it, posting a letter would be quicker and easier.

As for having those long running rows people have  after dark, well forget that as well, waiting for energy saving bulbs to warm up as you both pace from room-to-room removes all spontaneity. In short, don’t row, it’s not worth the effort. And as for long hurt silences, well that’s immensely cruel to a deaf person as withholding communication is punishing through isolation. My main concern is that Sue should never again be isolated, so I try not to argue. But anyway, as I’m always right there shouldn’t be any need for discussion. Why can’t others appreciate that?