Deafness Changed Our Relationship
When Sue and I first met 30 years ago I had no idea she had impaired hearing. In common with most people she met, I had no reason to think she didn’t have a pair of fully functioning ears.
Things have dramatically changed in the hearing department, and her balance, come to that. I’m not going to dwell on those changes, let’s just go with things aren’t as easy or good as they used to be.
In some areas perhaps, but not our relationship. Our lives together haven’t become less or even slightly strained because of hearing loss and the other crap that Meniere’s brought along. We are as happy with each other as ever and none of what’s changed has changed our relationship or my happiness to be with Sue. Hearing is vital and, as we all know, a huge part of everything we do in our lives. It goes without saying but for the record, I’d obviously rather Sue could hear and didn’t have the problems she does, but she’s Sue and it was Sue that I thought I’d spend my life with. So ttttthhhhhwwwwerrrppppp (raspberry sound as used in ‘Despicable Me II’ by Minions to register displeasure and/or lack of respect for someone or something) to hearing loss and stuff like that, we’re okay.
You haven’t seen The Minions? They’re wonderful and we laugh every time we watch the DVDs even though we know what’s coming. Find something that makes you feel better rather than seek gloom.
Signing is now part of our lives. Sue learnt (and as I said, but I’m proud enough to repeat this) BSL and recently passed her Level 1. I didn’t go because the costs are prohibitive, so Sue teaches me. I appear to be a slow learner. When I speak with Sue I try to use a mix of finger spelling to provide words first letters and some rudimentary signing. Anything that helps a deaf person struggle less to understand what’s happening around them is vital, if anyone out there feels disheartened about learning finger spelling or BSL I must say, keep at it, use it and help.
It upset me when Sue said the other week that she feels she’s letting me down when she can’t get what I’m communicating to her, that she feels a bit useless. WROng, WRONg, WRONG. I’m the one who is failing, it’s up to me to make myself understood as easily as possible.
Another sign I saw on a van last week – “ A Salisbury Builder and Decorator” – no punctuation at all, was the driver informing people where he was from and what services he provided or was his family name Salisbury?
A little thought about what we want others to understand makes life easier, it’s no different with having a deaf person in the family.
Make the effort or become just be another problem in a life stacked up with difficulties.